Feeling The Fear

When I was addressing my own issues during recovery, I realised that I had a conflict of wanting attention but being scared of attention.  I wanted to be made to feel special but I also very much struggled with talking to people about myself.  I could listen to others all day, but talking about me?  My mind just went blank.  I just felt that I didn’t have anything of value to say.  I guess my confidence was pretty low and being asked the question “So what do you do?” by people that I’d just met at a social function, was my worst nightmare.  I didn’t feel enough, I felt judged, I felt that I was boring.  I found that a lot of people loved to talk about themselves and I took advantage of this by firing loads of questions at them, so the attention was off me.  But the thing was, it was my own negative thoughts about myself and my situation that were affecting me, affecting my ability to talk to people.

When I was a teenager, a girl from school said that she wished she had legs like mine.  That hers were too skinny.  I thought she meant that mine were fat.  But I had interpreted this event to mean that even when I’m not aware, people are constantly watching me and judging me in a negative way.  This affected me greatly and made me desperate to hide away and not be seen.

These events in my life are certainly not isolated and I’ve had to work on quite a few.  But by continually working on my fear of being visible, putting myself out there, being judged, etc. not only in my personal life but in my work too, I am now confident about what I have to say.

I know that I can make a difference in people’s lives, that I can really help them.  But what if I kept that knowledge to myself?  What if I was too frightened to say anything to anybody in case someone said anything negative to me?  Nobody would know about me and my work and I wouldn’t be able to help anyone.  As a recovered anorexic and qualified professional, I know I am in a pretty good position to help others, particularly as I use a tried and tested method that I’ve used myself and with other clients.

I want to help as many people as I can, so I know I need to shout my message as far and as wide as possible, and this gives me courage.  So much so, that I fought my fear last week and did Facebook Lives over four consecutive evenings, working on issues such as ‘Thinking Food is Evil’, ‘Fixating on the Number on The Scales’, ‘Eating in Public/In Front Of Others’ and ‘Getting Rid of Food ie. Laxative Abuse, Purging, Overexercise’.  Comments from the group were positive and I really enjoyed doing them.  And I’m planning to do between 1-2 Facebook Lives each week from now on.

I know what it’s like to be fearful, but don’t let fear hold you back.  I feel I wasted so much time worrying about what other people thought of me.  But now I’m confident in me, there are so many opportunities for me to help others, and I want to make the most of this.

If you’d like to make positive changes in your life, but fear is standing in your way, please book a call with me today to see if I can help you.

Plus if you’re interested in seeing the Facebook Lives I’ve been doing with my group, and the future videos, sign up to my  Anorexia Support Group now.