It’s Scary To Trust When You Don’t Feel Safe

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This week I received a message from one of my clients and my heart just wanted to burst.

I always send out a questionnaire to my new clients, to get some background and history on what they’re struggling with, so that I am prepared for our sessions together.  One of the questions is “If there was an event in your life that you wish didn’t happen, what would it be?”  This gives a pretty good indicator of a root issue that needs to be addressed in order for things to change.  It may not be the biggest issue, but it’s hugely important and a good place to start.

So on our 2nd session, I suggested we look at this traumatic memory.  She was quite emotional just discussing it, which again was a good indication that it needed to be dealt with, and I mentioned this to her.  I explained that I was not going to push her into going anywhere she didn’t feel comfortable with, but that she would definitely benefit from doing this work .  If she wanted to stop at any point, then we would.  She agreed to try.

So I explained how it would work and I would guide her, holding her hand every step of the way, as it were.  There was nothing to fear, she didn’t have to share any details, she did not need to relive the event herself.  So step by step, we worked through this traumatic memory.  It took only half an hour to completely transform her feelings about this event, and she felt such relief and positivity afterwards.  I was really happy with the work we’d done and was proud of my client for fighting her fears.

When you have an eating disorder, it’s scary to reach out for help as you fear losing control, which seems to be the only thing keeping you safe.  It’s hard to trust as you think other people are just going to make you eat more and make you fat.  It’s a difficult place to be, stuck between being desperate for help but also being terrified of receiving that help.  I know, I’ve been there.  But staying where you are is never going to change anything.  And I offer a helping hand, every step of the way, working in a gentle yet effective way, making sure you feel safe at all times.  I know how important this is.

If you’re looking for help but not sure if you can trust, you fear losing control, and just want to stay safe, book a call with me and we can just have a chat, and get to know each other a bit.  If you feel that I could help you, great.  If not, that’s fine.  I’m very much into respecting people’s choices and would never pressure you into working with me.  That’s just not who I am.

But I may be just the person you’ve been looking for.  You’ll never know unless you try.  Book a call with me now.

 

What Could Life Be Like ….?

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So you know how I’m always asking people to book a discovery call with me?

You might think to yourself:

  • No way, she’s going to push me into working with her.
  • I’m not very assertive so once I’m on a call with her, I’ll find it hard to say no.
  • I won’t want to hurt her feelings if she’s not the right person for me, so I just won’t call.
  • There’s no way she can help me.
  • I’m not sure I want to get help, although there’s a part of me that does.
  • I won’t know what to say to her.
  • I just feel really uncomfortable.

And probably lots of other negative thoughts besides these.  I know how you feel.  I totally understand.

So how about I tell you what we would talk about on a discovery call?  I will ask you to describe:

  1. Your current situation in terms of your eating disorder?  What are you struggling with most right now?
  2. How you ideally would like your life to be like?  I know sometimes this is hard to imagine but just try to imagine how your life could be if you could feel confident, relaxed and positive about yourself?
  3. What’s stopping you from getting there?  Is it anxiety and fear?  Anything else?
  4. What will happen if you can’t find a way to overcome these blocks you described in Q3?
  5. What would it be like if you could find a way to overcome the blocks (Q3) and get to where you would like?  (Q2) How would that feel?
  6. How much are you motivated to get better even if you do have the blocks you described in (Q3)?

I can help you achieve the life you always dreamed of, and can support you every step of the way, getting rid of any anxieties and fears.  And I’d love to work with you but only if we’re the right fit, otherwise the process won’t work as well.  I also want to work with people who are motivated and who commit to change, even if you are anxious.

So I’m not going to push you or give you the hard sell.  It really is just a chat, over the phone or Skype, we can each drink a cuppa at the same time if you like.

Sound good?  Book a discovery call with me now.

 

I Was ‘Live’ on Local Radio This Week!

malcolm-boyden

On Tuesday morning, I went ‘live’ on BBC Hereford and Worcestershire radio talking to Malcolm Boyden, the lovely host of the morning show.

I’d emailed the radio station to ask if they’d plug my new Eating Disorders Support group that I’m launching in Worcester next week, so was surprised when they called to actually invite me onto their show.  They told me I would be on for between 5 and 10 minutes and would be asked about my ‘anorexia’ story and my group.  I felt excited if not a little nervous.  I was told that I’d be on air at just after 11am and that I should turn up just before 11am.

I thought he’d made a mistake in timings.  I’d need time to be prepped and settle in etc.  So on the morning of the show, I arrived at 10.45am.  I’m one of those people who would rather arrive half hour early than 5 minutes late.  I was asked to wait in reception and at that point, I could hear Malcolm Boyden broadcasting so started to get nervous.  I automatically started tapping to calm myself down and as I was doing so, chatted away to the receptionist who talked about her friend who had struggled to eat.

Well, 11am came and went and I could hear Malcolm telling his audience that Kim Marshall would soon be talking about how to Kiss Goodbye To Ana, who’s Ana, what’s Ana, they’d find out very soon, he said.

Just after 11am, a guy called Stuart came for me, shook my hand and thanked me for coming in.  He told me that I’d be guided during the interview, and not to worry, just imagine I was having a chat.  I was whisked through into the studio, said hi to Malcolm and then sat down at the desk opposite him.  Within a minute the record (I’m old school, I still say records) had finished and we were on the air!

I felt nervous but tapped away throughout most of the first part and I soon settled in.  We started off with my story and I talked about how life was like for me, living with an eating disorder.  I also talked about EFT and how that has transformed my life and how I now use it to help others do the same.

At one point, Malcolm asked me what was my lowest weight.  I answered honestly but before he could move on, I stopped him and pointed out that my weight wasn’t significant and that it was my mindset that was the problem.  I was seriously mentally ill which people can’t always see.  It didn’t matter what my weight was, I was still ill, and the level of support I had should not be based on my BMI.

This is an annoyance of mine but I made sure I pointed this out to him, and everyone else listening.  But I guess it’s very hard to understand, if you haven’t been there.

I could see him waving at people, I’m not sure if they wanted me to shut up but I was there and I was going to be heard 🙂  He cut to another record and I paused for a quick break.  He told me how well I was doing and said we’d have just a few more minutes talking about my group and any final message I wanted to leave listeners with.

support-group

I was actually given about 17 minutes air time which is far more than I expected and the feedback I got from family and friends was amazing.  They all said how well I’d come across, and what a powerful and moving message I delivered.  I was delighted.

After the interview, Malcolm asked if I’d be interested in being part of future relevant discussions so I could contribute my ‘expert’ opinion!!

And the final message I wanted to leave my listeners with … I know it’s hard and it’s scary, but I use a really gentle technique that allows you to stay in control and feel safe, every step of the way.

If you fancy listening to my interview, click here, I’m on at 1.08 minutes 🙂

Book a discovery call to discuss how I can help you with your journey to recovery.

 

The Dreaded C Word is Coming

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Yes it’s that time again.  Christmas is nearly upon us.  Although if you’ve been to the shops since September, you may be feeling like it’s been with us forever.  I think our local supermarket put up it’s Christmas tree in early November!

I allow myself to think about Christmas once 1st December is here.  So now I can listen to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas” without groaning, and I can enjoy seeing the Christmas lights throughout my local high street.

But why 1st December?  Why did that rule come from?  I imagine it was to limit my suffering.  You see for someone with anorexia, Christmas time is pretty crappy.  Actually, crappy is too light a word, it’s overwhelmingly torturous.

Don’t get me wrong, I always loved buying and giving presents to everyone, I loved singing Christmas Carols (after 1st December!), I loved that my kids got so excited and they’d count down how many days till Santa was coming.

Now anytime of the year when there’s a social occasion, there’s food involved.  Whether it be coffee and cake, a picnic, a cinema trip with popcorn, a pub meal, a barbecue, a dinner party, a buffet.  I remember trying to think of a ‘safe’ way of meeting up with friends but there just didn’t seem to be one.

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What we have at Christmas is a constant series of social occasions, and sometimes more than one in a day.  And there seems to be this ethos that because it’s Christmas and a good excuse for people to overindulge in pretty much everything, the amount of food involved is immense …. and this is terrifying!

Even some people around you who know you have anorexia can think that it’s some sort of diet and you can just ease off at certain times.  They might even say, “Oh go on, eat a mince pie, it’s Christmas”.  The attitudes and insensitivity of some people is amazing, but I guess it’s because they just don’t get it.  And they genuinely don’t.  You never know what it’s like unless you’ve been there.  You can read all the books in the world on the subject, but you’ll never truly understand the huge terror involved in being in the same room as a table loaded with party food and full of people.

I just wanted to go away at Christmas.  I imagined sitting by myself in a hotel room alone but safe, away from any food.  But I never did.  Because I had my daughters to think about.  I wanted them to have a great Christmas.  They were my reason for trying, even when I didn’t want to try for myself.

If you can’t try for yourself, is there another reason for trying?  Someone or something in your life that wills you to keep going, to stay strong.

I’m genuinely excited about Christmas.  I actually throw two parties each Christmas now for family and friends.  I love getting together with people and having a good dance.  I’m quite the party animal now 🙂  And the table loaded with party food?  Not a problem.  I’ll have a plateful of savoury and a bit of dessert.  And I’ll enjoy it.  But then I won’t give it another thought, until the time comes when everyone goes home and I have to do the washing up 😦

If you’d like to start enjoying your Christmases again, I can help you.  Get in touch x