Get To Know Me in 31 Days

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Hi.  You might know that I work with women with anorexia and eating disorders, helping them to feel more confident, positive, empowered, relaxed, happy and content so that the need to use eating disorder behaviours become less and are more easily challenged.

You might also know that I am a recovered anorexic myself and as well as providing professional support, with techniques that helped me, I like to think I’m giving hope and inspiring others that recovery is possible.

You might be struggling with an eating disorder right now but are scared about reaching out for help, because you fear losing control and being made to restore weight.  You are conflicted between being desperate for help but wanting to keep your behaviours secret and telling yourself you can do it on your own.  You might also tell yourself that there’s no point because nothing can help you, and you’ll never get out of this place you’re stuck in.

Well I’m here to tell you that feeling better is definitely possible.  Yes you’re scared but clients I work with become less scared and more motivated as we work together.

You might know that I’m all about focusing on changing mindset, rather than on weight and food.  My goal is not about you restoring weight, it’s about getting you to a point where you can:

  • feel good about yourself
  • let go of the rules
  • feel relaxed

I’m sure this sounds great in theory to you, but there’s probably still some hesitation, something stopping you from picking up the phone or emailing me.  So how can you:

  • get to know me more
  • start helping yourself by learning some great life long tools and techniques
  • see if the way I work is right for you

Well I’ve put together an “Introductory Package” which can be purchased as a stand alone package or as an introduction to a 1:1 package with me.  It costs £147 and includes:

  • 31 Day Planner
  • Videos
  • Worksheets
  • Questionnaires
  • Guides
  • Further resources

Please click here to sign up and your package will be delivered straight to your email inbox.

However if you would like to talk to me about working with me 1:1, please book a call with me to discuss your options.

 

 

Understanding The Lies We Tell

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Someone who has never experienced an eating disorder for themselves will never understand what it’s like.  Do you agree?  Yes, if they are a family member, they can have a certain degree of knowledge.  But just as we can not fully understand how difficult and painful it is for them to watch someone they love, ultimately destroy themselves; they cannot understand the sheer terror and gut wrenching guilt that we feel most of the time.

And it is down to that terror and guilt that we automatically lie about what we’ve eaten and what we’re going to eat.  We hate doing it, we know it’s wrong and we hate hurting our family.  But we’ll justify our lies by saying that we’re protecting them.  I guess it’s the old saying “What they don’t know won’t hurt them”.

I know the fear behind being honest with people about what we’re really doing, what rules and rituals we have to follow to keep us safe.  And we don’t want anyone to take these away from us.

It’s like someone who has an OCD and washes their hands to keep them safe,  the thought of not doing this, is incomprehensible.  They are washing their hands, not because others see them as dirty, but because the person feels the need to stay in control and keep safe.  Just like others can’t see the uncleanliness of a person’s hands, others can’t see our issues with our body.

The person with OCD and the person with an eating disorder are similar in that unhealthy coping methods are being used.  There is always a root cause, an event that we couldn’t cope with or control, negative beliefs that we learned about ourselves from childhood and other past issues that are still affecting us.  Unless we address these issues, we will still feel the need to use our coping method, we will still have that fear and guilt and we will still automatically lie to keep ourselves safe.

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But who are we lying to?  Yes we are lying to others so that our methods aren’t taken away from us but we are also lying to ourselves regularly.  Lies such as “Nobody needs to know, I can do this on my own”, “Everyone’s got their own issues, they don’t want to be helping me with mine”, “I’m just a burden”, “People are better off without me around”, “Things will never change”, “I’m such a failure”, “I’m not good enough”.

And the biggest one ….. “Everything will be better and I’ll be so much more happier if I keep restricting and I get to X stone/kgs”.

You see, that’s Ana talking.  She’s telling you this, and you’re still believing her.  She’s taken your soul, isolated you from everyone around you, and has convinced you that your family and friends are the enemy .. and you shouldn’t listen to them as they just want to make you eat and be fat.  Ana’s manipulating you and she will not stop until she’s destroyed you.

According to B-eat, Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder, from medical complications associated with the illness as well as suicide.  20% of anorexia sufferers will die prematurely from their illness.  In all cases, anorexia severely affects the quality of life of the sufferer and any carers.

I know it’s terrifying but please reach out for help.  You can not do this alone.  You may think your lies are saving you, but you’re lying to yourself that Ana is going to save you.  It took me a long time to work this out, but now I’m stronger, I can see this and I’m never going to trust her again.

I know you’re struggling and you’re not sure if or how you can get out.  The fear is holding you back.  The fear of letting Ana and your safety go.  But I’m not lying to you when I say, she’s not keeping you safe.  You don’t have to know how to get out, you just need to choose to want to.  It’s not an easy decision to make and some people say it’s not as simple as just wanting it enough.  It’s not simple at all.  Because you have to make that same choice every moment of every day.

I said to a client the other day it’s like trying to climb Mount Everest several times per day, but with huge rocks and boulders being thrown at you as you try to climb, trying to stop you from achieving your goal.  It’s so easy to give up and fall back.  I know this.  But once you get started, it does get easier.

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Just make the choice that you want things to change.  That’s a great place to start.  Then create a plan with full support to help get you there.  You can learn tools to help with your fear and guilt.  You can work with qualified professionals to help you address the root causes of your eating disorder.  If you don’t find the support you need straight away, keep looking.  It will probably require investment of your time and money, but it would be worth it!  If you don’t think so, you’re lying to yourself again.

I’m going to tell you the truth now.  I have been where you are.  I know what it feels like.  I know the pain, the torture, the fear, the guilt, the battle in your head.  I didn’t think I’d make it out.  But I chose to want to get out.  I put my trust in others and not Ana, even when I was terrified.  And I’ve surprised myself at how far I’ve got.  I’m at the top of Everest and I’ll tell you now, the view is amazing and so worth it!

If you’re ready to choose to want things to change and you want help with the next step.  If you want to talk to someone you can trust, please book a call with me.

Taking It One Small Step At A Time

When you think about recovery, it can be very daunting and impossible to imagine.  What even is recovery?  Recovery seems scary because we tend to associate it with being healthy and let’s face it, being bigger.  It seems like such a long, long road and what do we get at the end, being fat.  Why would we want that?

But that’s Ana talking.  She makes your world black and white, all or nothing.  Everything is to do with weight and size and nothing else matters.  She’s probably been a voice in your head for a while now and you trust what she says.  She promised you that everything would be OK if you just restricted what you ate, if you just lost more weight.  But how’s that working out for you?  Is everything OK? Are you happy?

Now I need to be clear here because Ana certainly doesn’t mix her words when she talks to you.  Ana is not your friend, she is your enemy, she doesn’t want you to be happy, she wants to destroy you.  She is like an abusive partner, a bully.  She feeds off your insecurity and low self esteem and she manipulates you to get what she wants.  She isolates you from others, so that you are easier to control.  And it’s working isn’t it?

What I and others have found, since letting go of Ana, is that recovery means being free of that voice in your head, free of the battle!  It means feeling:

  • relaxed around food.
  • relaxed around people.
  • relaxed about your weight.
  • confident and good about yourself.
  • happy and content.
  • positive.
  • able to cope with life.
  • special as you are.
  • like you belong.
  • that you have purpose.

It also means being able to live your life to the full and creating exciting opportunities for yourself.

But don’t think of recovery as a long road which may feel overwhelming.  Break it down into achievable parts.  Like a project you need to complete at work.  And give it 100%, just as if you were at work.  Take one small step at a time, just focusing on the task in front of you.

Some days will feel easier than others, and you may have a set back.  But just pick yourself up, dust yourself down and keep walking, again taking those small steps.  And if you’re tempted to give up, just because of the set back, realise that you haven’t gone back to square one.  You’ve just gone back a few squares, you’re still progressing, keep going!!

If you want to talk through what recovery could look like for you, book a discovery call with me today.

You Need To Have A Goal! Do You Have A Goal?

I remember watching the movie Pretty Woman as a teenager, wishing I could be swept off my feet and treated like a princess, by my own Edward Lewis (Richard Gere).  But while we often remember Vivienne (Julia Roberts) struggling with life before Edward shows up, do you remember Kit De Luca, her friend saying “You Need To Have A Goal!  Do You Have A Goal?”

Whilst I never took any notice at the time, I was far too busy caught up with the whole romance aspect, I realise now what wise words she spoke.  Vivienne didn’t like her current life, and Kit was encouraging her to think about where she wanted to be, so that she could start aiming towards this.

This is exactly what you need to do in your life.  We know that living with an eating disorder can be torture, because our mind is conflicted between, what feels like an angel on one side and a devil on the other, it’s like an endless battle, and we have no idea which to believe.  We also know that we create endless rules and rituals to keep us feeling safe.

Letting go of an eating disorder is hard, yet not impossible.  But the best way to start is to think about a future you, do not focus on how you look, but how you feel.  Picture a more confident, more positive you.  Someone who holds their head up high, gives more eye contact, can meet and exchange conversation with strangers, gets excited about new opportunities to work, travel or experience life.  What have you always wanted to do/achieve?  Picture yourself doing this. How does that feel?

Often this can be difficult to imagine and there are all sorts of barriers and what if’s that crop up.  But rather than concern yourself with how you’re going to get there, just imagine yourself there.  This is really important because often we feel stuck where we are and can’t see a way out at all.  We also feel so very low about ourselves and possibly that we deserve to be in this situation.  We can also feel a burden to others and it can be hard to find any motivation in order to try to make things better.  It can feel safer not to try.

I’ve heard clients say that they want to get better for their family, and this is a good place to start if they have nothing else.  But this won’t be enough.  When you’re facing each meal, it’s you that has to find the motivation to get through it, and it will be much easier if you can picture that person that you want to become.  Use that confident person to fight Ana’s voice when you don’t have the strength to.

Keep that person you want to be, with you all the time.  You can be her!  I never thought I’d become her, but I am.  You can too.

If you need help imagining that confident person, or how you can be her, book a discovery call with me today and I can help with your goal.

The Relief When You Stop Comparing Yourself

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I went to a Christmas party on Saturday night and I was really looking forward to it.  Now I’m recovered, I wasn’t dreading the food or even having to make conversation with people that I didn’t know.  I got dressed, feeling confident in myself.  Not because I weighed less or because my dress was a size smaller than when I had anorexia (I am a healthy size 8 now compared to wearing age 8 clothes) but because of how I feel about myself now.  I no longer have negative beliefs and this has been the key to transforming how I feel about me, on the inside as well as my body.

During the evening, I saw this young, beautiful woman.  She was stunning and was wearing a lace and sequin long flowing dress, looking like Cinderella at the ball.  The dress was practically see through so she wore white hotpants underneath.

Now years ago, I would’ve looked at her and felt jealous, wishing I looked like that and I would punish myself as a result.  I would’ve judged her for wearing that dress and for making me feel so bad.  But do you know what I thought on Saturday after seeing her.  “Wow!! Look at you! Good on you for having the confidence to wear that!” You see, she was slim yet not skeletal.  She was healthy and confident.  I wasn’t jealous or thinking hateful things about her.  I felt happy for her.

There are so many people that seem to be struggling in today’s society and it was nice to think that she wasn’t one of them.  Now that’s not to say that she hadn’t got her own issues, but I don’t know her so I will never know.  But that’s the thing about comparing yourself to others.  We don’t usually know the people we compare ourselves against, and we will never know their troubles.  But if we see someone that on the face of it, seems happy and confident, that’s all we’ll see and we put ourselves down because we feel inferior.  But if we feel happy and content in ourselves, we have no reason to let other people’s perceived confidence affect us.

Another lady I spoke to at the party was wearing a nice top with a pair of jeans and boots.  She explained to me, “I just wore this as I wanted to feel comfortable.  I’m really not a dress person.  I’ve been to these type of occasions before and I’ve ended up going back to my room around 4 times to change my outfit”.  I thought she’d done the right thing wearing what she felt comfortable in and if anyone wanted to judge her, let them go ahead.  Again, they had no idea of the strength that it took to put those jeans on.

Don’t judge anyone, in a good or a bad way as we have no idea of their situation.  And in the same way, don’t judge yourself based on what you think others are thinking about you.  Because the chances are, they’re too busy worrying about themselves and wondering what you’re thinking about them.  It’s all just a waste of energy.

If you’d like to feel more confident about yourself, book a call with me now and I can talk you through how I can help you feel more confident on the inside and out.