My how things have changed for me! Yes I already know I’ve recovered and I feel good about myself but it’s not until I was tested by someone, did I realise just how far I had come.
A comment like “Screw You B*tch” would have instilled anxiety, dread, punishment, self blame and torture. It would have triggered so many beliefs such as I’m not good enough, I’m inferior to others, I must make others happy, etc. I would have seriously been affected by this, not just for that day, or week, or month, but that comment would have stayed with me forever, and would have been yet another reason why I wasn’t worthy and things were always my fault.
I set up a support group on Facebook last September, in order for people to see that they’re not alone in their struggles but also that getting better, is totally possible. I wanted to give hope when they felt there was none. Providing hope and inspiration is a big thing for me, but that’s another story. So anyway, the group. The group have been getting to know me and I have given Facebook Lives, posted positive quotes, and given support. They have also been getting to know each other and have built up good relationships.
There are some rules with group members must adhere to. They must not use numbers or describe specific behaviours, as others can find this triggering. It’s a hard line when trying to decide whether to approve a post, when someone is asking for help, but the content could be extremely triggering for other group members. I do have to delete some posts because of this, although I do ask for the person to amend appropriately and resubmit.
So I was quite prepared for this element, but call me naïve but I never expected a guy to request to join the group (that’s not the surprising bit btw), request group members as friends, then ask for underwear selfies and make sexual suggestions!! He obviously looked to prey on vulnerable women. He was immediately blocked.
And last week, I had a woman request to join, which I approved. She quickly settled into the group, commenting on others posts but I did sense that she was a straight talker. But this straight talking came to ahead when she started criticising other members comments. When they mentioned they were afraid, she told them to just get on with it. She commented on profile pics and started picking at them. I asked her to stop, but she stated that surely she should be allowed to talk freely. It was obvious, that she would continue this behaviour, so I felt I had no choice, I blocked her. Within seconds I had a message request from her which said, Screw You B*tch. I have to say I was a little shocked at first, but then felt so relieved that I’d taken the decision I had, and not subjected the group to her any longer.
But to see this message and not react like I definitely would have done years ago, felt extremely liberating. You see, I knew that the problem was with her, not me. I knew it was nothing I’d done. I didn’t blame myself. I was confident in myself and my actions. And if you’re in that place, then nothing that anyone says to you can bring you down in the same way. I didn’t look to punish myself by restricting even more or working extra hard in the gym. I just felt sorry for her. Because as you know, we are our own worst critic, our own worst enemy. If she was able to say that to me, I can only imagine what she’s saying to herself.
If you would like to join the facebook group, the link is www.facebook.com/groups/AnaSupportGroup/
If you would like to feel better about yourself, to feel more confident, to stop punishing or blaming yourself, book a discovery call with me today.